Momoishi Night Fever

Before I tell the tale of my first bonenkai, it might be useful to have some background on the cast of characters, the employees of the Momoishi board of education. From left to right (not including myself):

Baba-San: Most senior woman at the board of education and my self-proclaimed "Momoishi Mother". Possibly because she has a far-away son about the same age as me, she's decided to take it upon herself to see that my basic needs are met. She's actually been extremely helpful, assisting me in everything from car buying to miso soup making. Practices ikebana in her spare time.

Superintendent Komata: Tiny, frail-looking, old man who speaks almost exclusively in the unintelligible northern dialect of Nambu-ben. Known to play hooky from work and then reply with only grunts when someone inquires as to where he's been. Also known to spontaneously break into song when alone in his office in the afternoons, much to the entertainment of those of us who sit next door.

Yayoi-San: I'm not sure exactly what Yayoi-San's job is but my impression is that she is an extremely capable person. I often see people from other offices coming to her for advice and she's also more knowledgeable about computers than anyone else in our immediate office. Is secretly an excellent English speaker although she's very shy when it comes to speaking English and generally only does so in extenuating circumstances (i.e. when someone is trying to explain something very important to me and I'm staring in her general direction with a look of complete confusion on my face). Asked me to explain the difference between the English words "turtle" and "tortoise" at the bonenkai.

Kondoh-Kacho: Although he's technically my supervisor, you'd never know it. Unlike most ALT supervisors, he doesn't speak a word of English and generally takes a hands-off approach when it comes to the foreigner-in-residence. Still, he always comes through when needed and even lent me almost $2000 of his own personal money so that I could buy my car. Acts in a hilariously inappropriate manner when drunk (as you are about to find out).

Okubo-San (not pictured): Holds the unenviable job of office-lady. Her duties include making and serving beverages to staff as well as visitors during the day, cleaning dishes, paperwork and general administrative duties. Still, she somehow manages to maintain an upbeat demeanor and spirit of camaraderie at all times (including when Superintendent Komata literally throws the mail at her without so much as a glance in her general direction). The mother of two elementary-school-aged children, she generally does not drink at parties and almost always ducks out early to see to it that her children are well taken care of (the average Japanese husband is fairly inexperienced when it comes to childcare).

When it comes to Japanese office life, few things are as eagerly anticipated as the bonenkai or "end of the year party". Actually, a more accurate translation of the term would be "party to forget the previous year". You've probably heard that Japanese people are generally very reserved in the office, rarely expressing personal opinions or joking around and opting to instead let loose at office drinking parties where there are no consequences for their actions. I've found that this is about half true. In Aomori, people tend to be a bit more laid back and less formal, so it's not unusual for my coworkers to occasionally have casual conversations or joke around in the afternoons while at their desks. But man, do they ever let loose at the office parties.

Many offices around these parts seem to have large, elaborate bonenkais that include everyone from the municipal administration and spare no expense (Matt, for example, won a door prize and sipped on Dom Perignon at his). Ours, however, was a much more low-key affair, including only the six of us from the board of education. It was held at the "Drive-In," a deciptively-named Chinese restaurant that has nothing to do with either "driving" or "in" (and sadly, bears no relation to seminal Texas post-hardcore acts either). Basically, Baba-San brought a bag full of liquor (mostly nihonshu like sake and shochu) and we sat around drinking and eating Chinese food.

You've probably heard that somewhere close to 50% of East Asians are genetically predisposed to getting drunk on relatively small amounts of alcohol. Well, it's apparently true, the result of two genes that scientists believe are designed to prevent heavy drinking and alcoholism (some might argue that this represents a de-evolution). My bonenkai provided further empirical evidence of this, as after only two beers (keep in mind that Japanese glasses are tiny, so really, after about only one pint), my supervisor was red-faced and verifiably wasted.

Once my supervisor got going, he didn't stop for the duration of the night and the others were more than happy to sit and watch him perform. The first topic of discussion brought up was movies, he had apparently just seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith (which was only recently released in theaters here) and really enjoyed it. He decided to underscore this by acting out a few of the movie's shooting scenes for us, including what I assume were slow-mo Matrix shots. He then turned to me and said "My favorite movie is Saturday Night Fever. John Travolta." If you've ever actually seen my supervisor, you would know that this is twice as funny considering his 70s-style haircut and fashion sense.

Well, then he started telling a bunch of stories that I couldn't understand at all. I tried to follow him but mostly ended up sipping my drink and staring off into space. Well, all of a sudden, I head him repeatedly using a word that sounded a lot like "sex". He kept saying it over and over and was getting quite animated in the process, so I started laughing. From across the table, Okubo-San noticed this and exclaimed "Look! Mehan-San is laughing!" My supervisor then turned to me and asked "Do you understand what I'm talking about?" and I replied "Well, I understand 'sex,' that's an English word." He then asked me "Do you know what sex is? Sex?" while displaying the universal Japanese gesture for intercourse which can only be described as miming the act of tickling someone's back with both hands.

Well, once that was out in the open, there was no holding back old Kondoh-Kacho. The next topic of discussion was none other than the beloved, homoerotic variety show icon Hard Gay. Of course, once he started talking about the old HG, I lost it. "Do you know Hard Gay?" he asked in a surprise tone. "Of course I know Hard Gay," I replied, "the students at school talk about him all the time." I then mimed the trademark HG "Foo!" that I hear at least a hundred times a day which was met with huge laughs. My supervisor was so impressed with this that he stood up and walked over to me to shake my hand.

Somehow this discussion of the Hard Gay caricature segued into a more serious discussion of homosexuality. I took the opportunity to try to gain some insight into the Japanese societal view on the topic, something that is seldom publicly discussed in a serious manner. "Are there any homosexual people in Momoishi? Because I had a number of gay friends in Chicago." My coworkers shifted uncomfortably in their seats and Yayoi-San answered, "Well, if there are, no one knows about it." From what I've heard, 'don't ask, don't tell' still seems to be the modus operandi in many parts of Japan. This is especially true of those who have public personas to maintain (a good example would be the tarento, or variety show guests, many of whom are rumored to be homosexual and of whom Hard Gay may be a parody). Despite this fact, gay communities do exist in larger cities, even in Aomori, as evidenced by the "secret" gay bar in Hachinohe.

Well, I guess my questions were a cause for alarm because my supervisor asked me in a very concerned tone, "You're not gay, are you?" When I replied in the negative he asked, "Your girlfriend is...a girl? Are you sure? A girl?" My impression is that he seemed rather skeptical as to whether I could speak with any level of authority on the subject.

Despite the unresolved mystery of my sexuality, my supervisor decided to go ahead and tell us the story of his own sordid encounter with homosexuality. "So, I went to this club in Osaka, expecting to see a show," he said, "and when I get in there, it's two guys on the stage-" and at that point he mimed an oral sex act. Although I understood what he was trying to convey, Yayoi-San still felt the need to explain the situation to me, with gestures, of course. "You see, he saw these two guys," she started. "Yes, I understand," I interjected.

As we were preparing to leave the restaurant, my supervisor said one last thing to me, although it was completely unintelligible. I looked to Yayoi-San for some sort of explanation. "He said he hopes you have Momoishi night fever."